What to do When the Holidays Feel Dark

By Lauren Kittrell

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and we once again find ourselves in this time of anticipation leading to Christmas and New Year’s. It is perhaps the time of the year that is filled with more expectation than any other time. Everyone seems to be longing for a Christmas full of joy, peace, and a good dose of nostalgia. Christmas movies on television promise happy-ever-afters and snow-drenched landscapes paired with the coziness of a blazing fire and warm family gatherings. So, what do we do when our heart feels anything but joyful? What do we do when the peace and happy endings seem to be for everyone but us? 

The reality is that holidays can be the most difficult time of year for millions worldwide. Unrealistic expectations of what should happen and what we should feel set us up for failure at every turn. We can find ourselves grasping to find the perfect gifts for those we love, perhaps even going into debt to do so. We run ourselves ragged with events and gatherings; we force ourselves into situations that make us feel miserable and trapped, all the while putting on a happy face so that those around us don’t see through our carefully-crafted façade.  

For some, the difficulties with the holiday season lie in loneliness that feels suffocating. Social media becomes inundated with posts of happy families and couples, making it easy to believe that everyone else in the world has someone. Isolation can be experienced both physically and emotionally, making those who are grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of a significant relationship especially vulnerable during these times.  Yet, for others, holiday gatherings mean facing a secret (or known) abuser simply because the person is family and “blood is thicker than water.”   

Whatever the reason may be, many are left feeling increasingly depressed and discouraged during this time of year. Some find themselves simply wishing that the entire holiday season would hurry up and end.  

So, what do you do when you find yourself wishing the holiday season away? Here are some helpful tips for bringing more light into your life this holiday season.  

Release yourself from the expectations that others hold for you.  

Whether this means cutting the shopping list a little shorter this year because you don’t want to go into debt or choosing not to attend a gathering where someone who has deeply wounded you will be present, give yourself permission to let others down. Letting others down is healthier than pushing yourself to your limits physically, mentally, and emotionally.  

Choose to enjoy old traditions or new ones. 

Sometimes old traditions give us comfort and bring us joy, but sometimes they just remind us of what used to be. Give yourself permission to say “no” to the traditions that no longer hold the same meaning for you. Choose to create new traditions that fit better into your current life rather than the life you no longer have or the one you wish you had. Maybe even find a way to serve in your community so that you can also bring light to others.  

Choose to seek help when the darkness becomes too much. 

It can feel scary to speak up and ask for help, but it is the bravest thing you can do when you realize that your depression, anxiety, or grief are becoming too much to handle. A licensed therapist can help you navigate the darkness so that you can walk in light once again. The sooner you ask for help, the better. Suicide is never the answer; it is a permanent decision for a temporary problem and multiplies the pain for everyone left behind.  

Finally, remember that everything felt dark before the first Christmas. 

We know from history that Jesus wasn’t actually born on December 25th. Still, this is the day set aside by Christians to celebrate the birth of the Savior. Before He was born in Bethlehem all those years ago, the entire world was shrouded in spiritual darkness. The prophets had stopped prophesying; no spoken or written word from God was publicly known for over 400 years before Christ was born. The Israelites, God’s chosen people, were themselves in physical bondage to the Roman Empire. The world was indeed dark, but Hope was on the horizon. Light was making His way into the world.  

Maybe your holiday season has felt a little (or a lot) dark this year. There is still hope. You don’t have to walk alone through the darkness. Reach out for a helping hand to join you on your journey. You won’t always feel the way you do right now in this moment; there is hope for healing and wholeness. We at Heritage would love to help you or connect you with someone who can!